the confession of a broken heart...

I'm confess,,,
why? coz I can't hold on by my self..

gw benci menunjukkan kelemahan pada orang lain,,,
gw benci terlihat sedih...gw benci terlihat lemah...

Jd, skrg mungkin ga ada orang ataupun teman2 dekat gw yg menyadari bahwa gw sedang berduka..
karena duka itu hanya datang saat gw lg sendiri,,, saat gw bersama pikiran gw melewati kesendirian...
dan walaupun awalnya tak merasakan apapun, sekarang rasa itu datang tiba2, mmbuat jantung gw sakit..

apa?
apa yg buat gw berduka?
bokap kandung gw meninggal...
orang yang udah selama 12 tahun ini ga pernah gw liat wajahnya...
and I never met him, our last conversation was 5 years ago (by phone)..
mom always told me to meet him, but I always decline it..

Jd, sekarang gw disini, meratapi keegoisan gw knp dulu ga mau ketemu...
dan setelah gw pikir2,, dia sama sekali ga bersalah..
dia ga pernah nyakitin gw,,
dia ga pernah marah atau ngebentak gw..
karena emang dari dulu kami ga pernah bicara...
dari kecil umur 2 thn gw tinggal sama tante gw..
jd gw ga pernah mengenal orang tua gw..
sekarang gw tinggal ma nyokap, seenggaknya gw mengenal nyokap lebih baik drpd dulu...

tp bokap,,,
gw sama sekali ga tau apa rasanya bermanja sama bokap...
apa rasanya digendong bokap,,
apa rasanya minta duit ma bokap..
apa rasanya diomelin bokap..
apa rasanya dianterin bokap..
apa rasanya berantem sama bokap.
apa rasanya memiliki bokap...

jd, skrg gw bercucuran air mata,,,baru menyadari artinya bokap...
yg selama ini selalu gw anggap kosong posisinya dalam kehidupan gw,,
yg selama ini selalu gw abaikan posisinya dlm kehidupan gw..
yg selama ini gw coba untuk melupakan posisinya...


dan gw bener2 ga akan ketemu lg..
ngobrol normal,,
bahkan ngeliat wajahnya pun ga bs..
gw udah lupa dia seperti apa..
gw...
menyesal...
dan ironisnya,,
gara2 lose contact, ternyata beliau udah meninggal sejak 8 bulan yg lalu..
gw baru dikabarin 3 hari yang lalu...
gw ga berani cerita ke temen2 gw secara langsung..
gw ga mau menunjukkan kesedihn ini..
tp gw ga kuat klo nahan sendiri dlm hati...

"ya Allah,,,ampunilah dosaku...
dan dosa kedua orangtuaku...
sayangilah mereka, seperti mereka menyayangiku sejak kecil.."
Amiin...

jd, skrg lw sayang n rawat orangtua lw yg masih hidup baik2...
jgn kyk gw...merasa jd org durhaka..

the confession of a broken heart-Lindsay Lohan

...lagu ini menggambarkan tentang gw...

I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
A family in crisis that only grows older

Why'd you have to go
Why'd you have to go
Why'd you have to go

Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am broken but I am hoping
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me is dying and
These are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart

And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweater
I dream of another you
The one who would never (never)
Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
A daddy to hold me, that's what I needed

So why'd you have to go
Why'd you have to go
Why'd you have to go!!

Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don't know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me
Cause these are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart

I love you,
I love you
I love you
I....!!!!!
I love you!!

Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don't know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth...
Did you ever love me!!!?
Did you ever love me?
These are.....
The confessions...of a broken heart

Ohhh....yeah

I wait for the postman to bring me a letter..