let's start from the beginning again...

9 bulan 20 hari...

kira-kira selama itulah sejak terakhir saya posting di blog ini..

kebiasaan lama, rajin menulis hanya diawal2 saja.. but, let's forget about that and start from the beginning..again..

let's hope that I will write so often that you would get tired of it...

I'm not hoping that someone will really read my blog... I mean it!

I kind of deem this blog as my diary,, that's a bad decision I guess..

but, I don't care, I just want to write it here... coz I really love my laptop so much that I want to share my mind with..

ok,, I will write now, what is on my mind n what is my truly feeling???

I'm feeling so lonely... and sometimes there's empty space in my heart..

I wanna be an independent person immeadiately..

I wanna be a responsible person..

I wanna make my mom happy...

I wanna make my family secure and wealthy..

and I wanna go around the world looking for something missing...

and I wanna be happy ever after...

I just..have to much hope n dream that I wanna make it come true..

It will become true some day..

back to beginning...

I feel insecure sometimes...

do you ever heard about a syndrome that make you thinking you have severe diseases...???

yeah.. I think, I got that one..

it has been so many times, when I think I have severe diseases... such as : brain cancer, cervical cancer, skin cancer, breast cancer, eye cancer, and I even think that maybe I have alzheimer...

and I have some reasons to feel that way...

first, let's talk about brain cancer and alzheimer..

these are what I got from google..

brain cancer symptoms:

1. headache
2. weakness
3. clumsiness
4. difficulty walking
5. nausea, vomitting: especially in the morning
6. altered mental status; changes in concentration, memory, attention or allertness..
7. abnormalities in vision
8. difficulty with speech
9. gradual changes in intellectual and emotional capacity

I got number 1(sometimes), 2, 3, 4(sometimes), 5(exclude vomitting), 6, 7,8, and 9... oh NO, I got it all!

especially number 6. It's really hard to keep concentrating in one thing, and really easy to forget somethings..many things actually.. I thinks my memories just short-term memory, because I almost forget anythings when I want to remember it badly..

and this can be the symptoms of alzheimer..

then, it's really hard to keep my attention to the lecturer when they speaking in the class.. and the worst is, sometimes I didn't keep fully attention to my friend whose talking to me.. aaaaahhhhh...

about number 7, it can be the symptoms of eye cancer too!

I got this from google:

1. Bulging of one eye
2. Complete or partial loss of sight
3. Pain in or around the eye (rare with eye cancer)
4. Watery eyes
5. Blurred vision

I got number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.. OMG!

and eye cancer can also cause:

1. Seeing spots, flashes of light or wiggly lines in front of your eyes. These are called floaters. They are also a natural part of getting old.
2. Blinkered vision (loss of peripheral vision) - you can see what is straight ahead clearly, but not what is to the sides
3. A dark spot on the coloured part of the eye (iris) that is getting bigger..

i got number 1 often, especially when I'm tired..

i got number 2 when I'm in the crowd place..

and thanks god, I didn't get number 3..

I read some articles that said, when one of your eyes (or both) are glowing in the picture , it can be you got eye cancer (retinoblastoma).. read more the article in here...

and click this to find out about retino blastoma..

if the article didn't appear, click here: http://www.daisyseyecancerfund.org/rb/eye/photography.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1177964/Baby-boys-rare-eye-cancer-spotted-snapped-mothers-camera-phone.html

and guess what?? my eyes always glowing white in the picture which reflect the light from camera blitz..

I told you, I have some reasons to feel insecure..

so, that's all for tonight..